(2015 Sanitation Edit)
Resident Black Chick Shaniqua – “Oh no you di’int”
“…. steal a stock photo why yes I did”
I fucking hate Pink. Seriously I hate her. Well, not so much her personally, but her brand. She embodies everything I hate in generic shitty pop music (okay, except for excessive use of auto-tune, also known as Kanye West Syndrome™).
“BUT SHE’S SO TALENTED AND SHE DOES ALL THIS AWESOME SHIT AT HER LIVE SHOWS GOD SHE’S SO AWESOME!” – yes yes I’ve heard it all before. Anyone can choreograph a routine and perform it a hundred times to sell out crowds singing shitty annoying songs about the worst US President in history. I mean I could do that too but I’d have to be really drunk and honestly, it’d probably be only me in-front of a mirror imagining a crowd and singing about my Rudd money. But I digress.
Generic Girl – “But she makes me feel so empowered! And good about myself!”
Here’s my response to that:
Just kidding. Really though, I get it. Every woman has that little bit of feminist come out when her songs come on. And that’s great. Look at you, you big powerful girl you! You sing those terrible lyrics out loud! WOO!
By all means enjoy your 2 minutes 30 seconds of chart topping empowerment, but not around me because that shit will get an immediate launch to the nearest radio to change the station/cd/mp3/8-track/cassette tape.
These memorable lyrics from chart topping hit “So What” will be oft quoted in history books the world over.
I don’t really get how she is different from any other generic female artist such as Britney Spears, what’s her face from Garbage, Gwen Stefani, Christina Aguilera, who by all accounts, are equally irritating (Britney probably more than the others). They all have other people write the songs for them, they all pay people to teach them how to lip-sync as they dance around the stage, they pay people to keep them looking trim and fit, etc etc etc. THEY PAY THEY PAY THEY PAY. This is not talent you are watching, it’s a spectacle.
If you want to see talent, go lookup people like Xavier Rudd or Nick Cave because these are actual musicians with actual skills, ability and talent.
But back on Pink, cool man she sings about women being tough and sticking it to the man and shit and that’s great but at the end of the 3 minute song you’ll be back doing the same menial bullshit in your same shitty life.
You go girl! You go start a fight! Oh, ha ha, you’re going to be edgy and leave me stuck with my hand tonight whilst simultaneously taking all my money. I’d write ironically about more of her questionable lyrics but to be honest my vision just kind of goes red when she comes on, then I wake up with everyone dead around me at the end. So you’ll forgive me if I don’t commit all her lyrics to memory.
Basically there isn’t really a point to this rant other than to say I can’t stand her music. I’m sure she’s a wonderful person and everything, but good god am I sick of hearing about her.