I Hate Ben Lee

(2015 Sanitation Edit)

It was another humid and disgustingly hot Queensland summer day. I was at work. Sweat, beading down my face. Five-deep at the bar, smashing out lemon-lime-bitters in the usual Sunday lemon-lime-bitters suicide championship stakes. As my mood steadily decreased from my usual neutral level of pessimism and negativity, to borderline murderous tendencies as I put together drinks containing the same three ingredients over and over again, something clicked.

It was something I’d never felt before. Kind of similar to the pain I feel when I pay my car registration in this state, but not like a dull jabbing ass pain this time. It was a dull jabbing, yet steadily increasing pain in my ears. Some kind of aural assault. As I made some eight year old wait for his grey-area small-alcohol-percentage-containing LLB, I stopped. The pain continued to increase and suddenly it hit me. I gazed at the video monitor.

The assault on my ears suddenly became clearer, through the haze of a hot summer day, and through the sweat pouring from my face. It was Ben Lee.

In my eyes, he’s a musical Hitler. Ben Lee’s “genius” is brought to the world, not through cold, hard 1940’s war technology bombing your house, but by modern audio equipment and wankers in shitty econoboxes cranking his awfully crafted works worldwide.

Oh yay, he’s yet another asshole with an acoustic guitar and a record label, that’s wonderful. His only tick from me is not being one of the artists that those companies grab off the supermarket shelf, rip open, chuck in a mixing bowl with two eggs, butter and some milk, before spewing out millions of awful CDs to cash in on commercial-radio-listening sap dollars. But when I say that’s the only tick, that is literally the only tick.

Let’s talk lyric analysis, on an excerpt of one of his most popular songs, “Catch My Disease”:

Pure genius!

While this is better than Pink’s “Woof woof, woof woof, woof woof”, it’s not by much.

I don’t really understand what he is accomplishing with this song. What disease is it that I am meant to be catching? You were backstage at Pomona and then a mysterious woman was drinking Coke (nice product name drop by the way – hope they sent you a pallet), who’s apparently from Santa Ana, who apparently loves him like she loves fireworks.

Dear god, what are you talking about and what the hell does any of this have to do with catching your disease?!?!?

I can understand non-sensical lyrics – I listen to metal. But metal songs aren’t trying to be anything other than metal songs. They don’t have a point other than being angry, heavy or whatever. The problem is that Ben Lee tries to come off as a serious musician, but writes rubbish like this and makes self-indulgent music videos to that end (seriously, just watch how smug he appears).

If Ben Lee was any more smug about himself and his “serious, heartfelt song lyrics”, there’d be a smug cloud over whatever country he’s in.

“Oh but his songs are catchy!”, you might be saying. Maybe that’s what he is talking about. Maybe the disease I am meant to catch is one of mediocre indie-turned-mainstream, one-man acoustic, nonsensical tastes in music like Ben Lee himself may have. I bet he likes Sex On Fire by Kings of Leon too.

Today friends, I ask of you, that if you aspire to become a singer or songwriter, please don’t turn into someone spewing out a constant stream of nonsensical, meaningless, upbeat songs. Because I’m likely to want to punch you really hard in the face. Repeatedly.

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8 thoughts on “I Hate Ben Lee

  1. bullshit, ben lee struggled through the music industry in several bands and early in his solo stuff, steadily won a fan base by making good music and finally made it big – first in the indie scene, then commercially domestically and then internationally. i don’t blame him at all for going where he did. you can’t hate on someone simply because they broke into the commercial scene. nothing wrong with good pop music, and there’s no way he should be even mentioned in the same sentence as the “mixing bowl” pop artists of today.

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  2. I AM BEN LEE, and all you mother fuckers have discovered my plan to make the majority of the world pussy’s who listen to pop so that the revolution can begin and metal can rule once more.
    CATCH MY DISEASE (TB) CUNTRAGS

    Like

  3. id agree with mitch on this one… its a common thing for alot of artists who break the commercial barrier – the music stops becoming about self expression and become about whatever is going to sell. how many bands do you know that turned to crap once they had a decent following? fuckloads.

    which raises the point that these crap ‘mainstream’ songs are made to be popular with the audience. you should do a /rant about mindless listeners buying this kind of crap, not the guys profiting off them.

    art imitating life or life imitating art? is it shit because people like to hear shit? or do people like to hear shit because its all they hear?

    personally, i think it is the former.

    Like

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