The Facebook Incident – Part Two – May’s Undoing

(Part One is here.)

May thought she was a cunning girl. Full of bright ideas about how to get her man back. Well even if she didn’t want him back, she wanted to know who and what he was doing after splitting from her for some reason. She had even added me and my real profile to her fake list! (At this stage May and Lily were both on my actual friend list, despite not knowing either of them at all…).

Based on what I’d seen, and even stories from associates about how this random person was asking them questions about Ryan over Facebook, I knew my Guy Flanahan fascade would work. And it would be more plausible than May’s from the outset.

This is apparently “Lily”:

Apparently this is the same girl in all 3 photos. Uh… huh…

Clearly not the same girl in each photo. Sure I can accept that some people put their favourite artist or whatever as their profile picture sometimes, but you couldn’t plausibly match either of the girls in anyway, shape or form. The bikini model shoot photo was so small that no details could be made out. At least my dubious “with friends” shot had two dudes with their back to the camera! May couldn’t even rustle up several images of the same fake girl. Think about how many awful, neglected Myspace profiles she could have accessed to do it for god sake.

May had created an alter-ego that was apparently a model. Not to mention, the Lily facades had no back story. No connection to anyone. She just kind of appeared one day, added people that didn’t even know her and started asking questions. Here is a snapshot of various wallposts I collected from Lily’s wall:

Click the image to open the fullsized version.

Clearly the next step was to compare their profiles and look for any hints:

Click the image to open the fullsized version. The circled sections made it pretty obviously to us. Especially the clearly copy + pasted part about “I won’t bite ;P”.

Once we’d sat down and reasoned all of this out, we quickly came to the conclusion that Lily was definitely May and May was Lily. Being the respecting gentlemen that we are, of course we wanted to give benefit of the doubt in any case possible. It could have been any girl! (Or so Ryan would like to think ;)) But as I’ve laid out for everyone, it was pretty fucking obvious that May’s objective in this was to be malicious.

Stalking is pretty malicious to me anyway, so I had no qualms in being dirty and crushing May at her own game.

The next step I felt, was to find her profile images. She had to have gotten them somewhere, right? Finding one on some website would be enough to cement in everyone’s mind that she was a bullshit fictitious imagining of some crazy girl trying to stalk her ex, but two?

At first I tried the conventional Google Images search under various headings: “Girl playing guitar”, “Model with Guitar”, “Teen model”, and various other dumbed down searches that I figured May would have used to find images of these girls. But then I had to think dumber. Of course she wouldn’t have just blatantly GIS’d for a bunch of girls, she would have found the images while looking online for other stuff she’d be interested in. Fashion websites.

I knew finding them like that would be impossible and almost gave up… until someone told me about Tineye. An image search engine! You upload a photo, and it tries to find a match for you!  The site even says it has a really small search window, but I figured it was worth a try…

Not only did the search engine match the vague and tiny bikini girls image, it found the other half of the picture that was cut out.

Straight away the green light switched on. We had her. Then I went for the fabled second image. No way would this search engine match up two images given it’s extremely small index…

All too easy. I did actually try for that third image and didn’t find a match. Two out of three ain’t bad though!

In the midst of all this searching, I had planted the seeds of a successful cover story for Guy Flanahan with Ryan and Justin. We were conversing with all kinds of random chitchat. Making it look like he was an active and real person using Facebook for the first time, and using it to catch up with new mates. Fantastic. I should point out that for plausible deniability I did not add myself to Guy Flanahan’s friends list at this time, as I didn’t go on the cruise and hence, shouldn’t know who the fuck Guy Flanahan is. Given that I didn’t even know May in person apart from a few awkward conversations, I was confident of success.

At this stage we were ready to make first contact via Guy Flanahan, with Lily. I took the punt and added Lily to my friendlist…

Then waited…

Don’t worry the wait was short – Lily had already approved it that night with nary a comment on my wall asking who I was. So I decided to leave it a few days to see what would happen. I didn’t want to appear too eager to get this ball rolling. Besides, I had all the time in the world to smoke her out as long as she didn’t know that we knew.

I had a quick conversation with Ryan about it that day:

“Well shit if she’s gone for that, why don’t you just add May on Guy Flanahan?”

Inititally I brushed it off. I figured that would be far too keen and obvious that I knew what was going on. Thinking nothing of it, I went home. After checking my own profile and leaving it open, I opened a seperate browser so I could be on both profiles at the same time (even more plausible deniability – I had this shit way over covered for the intelligence level of the target).

I made a startling discovery. May had added Guy Flanahan first. Checkmate bitch.

IN PART THREE – NEVER LET IDIOTS LIE.

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