A Letter to my Local Member

(2015 Comment: And then he became the immigration minister…)

(2022 comment: And then he became opposition leader…)

Previously on Sam Hates Everything I’ve talked about the snail mail spam that I’ve been receiving from a certain local member in my voting electorate, with regards to their message and that I should vote in the election that’s coming up.

This is all well and good, except today I received another one. I felt this was one too many, and decided to write the Member for Dickson a small letter.

Hi Peter,

I’m writing to you today with regards to your “election brochures” (as I like to call them).

Understandably, as the local member you are seeking to convey the best messages and your mission goal in seeking re-election. I get that. I also get that you are sending timely messages to people to make sure they remember some of the highlights and things you have achieved for the community over the term you’ve served in office.

Now, while this is wonderful and everything, your latest “brochure” and thoughtful ‘personal letter’ seem to do alot of pushing regarding “cutting wasteful spending” by voting for the Liberals. This is all well and good, except that you’ve sent me similar messages at least once a week since the elections been called.

And then one to every person living in my house on the electoral roll/that has the right address on the roll.

While I’m no professional printer, I imagine the cost of each glossy “brochure” including postage probably runs around the $1.50/$2 mark for each person it’s sent to. Call that a “conservative estimate”. Sure, I understand that as part of your ‘deal’ per say as a sitting member, you are entitled to a rather nice chunk of Federal funding in order to preach your message to the electorate each year.

In a way I’m okay with that as long as it’s only sort of only, once in a while, rather than (at time of writing) three glossy Liberal care packages – one for each week passed so far. I’m not even counting other stuff I’ve received prior to the election being called.

Anyway, what I’m suggesting is rather than sending me a whole bunch of spam snail mail, you send me a cheque for the dollar value of each letter you’re thinking about sending out instead. Just put a nice big watermark of your face on the cheque with a small message in the logo about “Standing up for Australia” or whatever slogan you’re into at the time.

So far I’d probably have 3 cheques to the value of about $7.50 from the Liberals alone. I’d much prefer to “Stand Up”, cash those small denominations at the local pub and promptly push them through a Pokie machine. At least then I’d be working hard to wastefully spend it into someone else pocket, rather than straight into a landfill.

Thanks for your time,



7 thoughts on “A Letter to my Local Member

    1. Canned responce:
      “Dear Sam,

      Thanks for taking the time to contact me. Would you like me to ensure you do not receive addressed mail from my office?

      If I can ever be of any assistance to you in any other matter, please do not hesitate to contact me.


      Peter Dutton”

      After getting 2 this week alone my response was this:
      “Hi Peter,

      You know what… after receiving two more this week, sure. Please put me on the “do not send list”.



  1. Fucking Peter Fucking Dutton, This guy is officially the worlds biggest cock sucker.

    P.S. Working on something new which is taking up 90% of my writing ability (the other 10% I used to write this) but I promise the minute that starts to take shape I shall return. Just a hint, I’m collaberating with an artist on this.

    Peace out fuckholes.


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