What better way to coach future generations against making bad life decisions, than by getting a shitty tattoo or piercing you’re going to regret within a future age bracket? I think not. Why not make a bad decision permanent, and get ink injected into your skin today! You too can be “alternative and cool” while not considering the future and it’s waves of regret. Just think – you can use your bad decision as a teaching aid with your grand kids! Have fun explaining why the now-withered half-naked rock chick on your arm was a good idea.

Now before you jump on the Whine Boat, complaining that I’m talking about your specific ‘awesome’ tattoo and/or piercing, I want you to know it’s nothing personal. Now with that bullet dodged, allow me to elaborate.

I suppose piercings aren’t so permanent (and I’ll get to those soon enough), but tattoos are meant to be something special. Last time I checked, tatts are a way to truly individualise and express yourself to everyone that can see you or it. A way to express how you were feeling at a certain stage in your life, blah blah blah. That should be the case. They should mean something. If that was truly the case, why do so many people not actually consider what the hell they’re doing?

“I got it because it looked nice”

Sure, you can get them burned off, but that removal technique isn’t so crash hot scar wise. The fact is, the number of people getting fucking retarded tattoo’s celebrating current events, such as dear old Megan’s “Schoolies 2010” under one of her butt cheeks, bogan tatts seems to be at an all time high.

You know what they say about jokes – if you have to explain it, it’s probably shit. Deciding to get an Asian language symbol tattoo runs along similar lines. Guess what? Your flashy Asian language tatt is probably telling everyone you’re a wanker in the language you thought said “spirit”, “courage” or some other generic pile of shit like that.  Love hearts? Sure, maybe you’ve been with someone a number of years in your early twenties. Why not get a permanent celebration of that love! Best omit their name, lest you be committed to dating that one name of a boy or girl for the rest of your life. Generic symbols are a waste of time. Generic statements about love or life? Please.

 

Flowers?

“So why did you get it?”

“I thought it looked nice.”

Don’t even get me started on tramp stamps.

Having a bad tattoo is not simply about whatever current event you’ve had inked, it’s about positioning. Behind the ear? Back of your neck? Under your breast? On a butt cheek? On your forehead? Come on people, what the hell. All of these are terrible and will be an ever lasting shrine to your talent of poor decision making.

If I was going to get a tattoo I would truly want it to mean something. I am a person that makes (mostly) reasonable judgements, hence why I haven’t got one. Nothing significant enough has happened to warrant a permanent reminder. A friend had his Southern Cross, army days tattoo done over so it didn’t resemble one anymore because he was that embarrassed by having it. The gentlemen was lucky he could undo his a once thriving boganism. Most are not so fortunate.

Just ask the people that thought those “ear plates” were going to be fashionable and awesome a few years down the track. They now need plastic surgery to fix their earlobes.

Conventional piercings look great for some people, there’s no denying that. But then you get that small group that wants to do something different. Be alternative by putting chains and shit between them, and then it’s all downhill from there.

Got a bar in the back of your neck? WHAT POSSIBLE PURPOSE DOES THAT SERVE? IT DOES NOT LOOK VERY GOOD (and to the two people I know with that exact piercing, I hate your piercing. Just sayin’.) Got a bar on your wrist? WHY? So it can catch on shit when you’re trying to move? At least get something functional.

Ultimately people will never stop making poor decisions when it comes to their appearance, or anything at all really. Whether it’s trying to differentiate themselves from “the norm” by getting ugly piercings, or tattoos of loved ones they might shortly regret, I should probably just live with it. Or write stupid opinion pieces like this one.